Precious Owen

You're Here!

We are so excited to welcome sweet Owen Chase!  What a blessing he has been to our family.  He could not be more loved, more cared for, more anticipated, more anything!  And I know Chase was right there with us when Owen entered this world.  It was a an amazing event.  One full of emotion as both Patric & I awaited the sounds of his cries....and then held our breath a little longer.  Soon we were assured all was okay and we were off to recovery.  Holding our newest bundle of joy.  I will write more later, but for now, a few pictures.

So Close

We are preparing...we have been washing clothes, cleaning house, packing bags and anticipating the arrival of this little one.  This part is hard--washing clothes that Chase would have worn and blankets that he would have used.  It's very emotional "letting go", in a sense.  The sadness of what we missed out on with him....of what we will always be missing out on with our sweet little boy.  But we find happiness in welcoming our newest little brother, too.  Sadness, enveloped by happiness....rather than happiness clouded over by sadness, I hope.  

I had my last yoga class today that I will be going to in this pregnancy.  It was tough--a lot of hip stretching today that about put my femurs completely out of the socket it felt like!  Whew--I'm glad that class is over!  It has really helped me spiritually and mentally and even physically, I know.  I hope baby boy has enjoyed it as much as I have. 

I am going to miss carrying this little guy in my tummy.  A lot of his movements hurt these days.  But I absolutely love them.  I can't explain how much--I've never felt this way in a pregnancy.  I was very, very excited to meet Chase those last few weeks.  But I was uncomfortable enough to wish the pregnancy over as quickly as possible.  Not so with this one.  I have 3 more days with him like this and I'm going to hold on to each of them as peacefully as I can.  I can't wait to meet him, for sure, but I have been extremely blessed with this pregnancy.  Thank you, God.  Thank you Chase, for helping me through this....and holding me as I ride this journey out.  I am very unsure of what the delivery is going to be like still.  I am scared.  I am nervous.  I just want to hold this little man as soon as I can.  I want to welcome him into our family and I know this is going to be a grand event.  I can't wait to see the kids with their new little brother.  I am hoping Chase will let his presence known, too....that I will feel close to him.  Maybe in my dreams....maybe elsewhere.  But I have been looking forward to this day for this very reason for a very long time.  I know he will be there with us.  

Not sure if I'll have any more time to post before we leave.  Until then.....

On Schedule.....

After having some contractions this week that were a little daunting (being 3 hours away from the hospital), the dr. told me my cervix was pretty much closed yesterday.  This is good as we are planned to deliver by c-section next Friday and more than a few family members have spent some hard earned money to attend this event!  I am feeling plenty of pregnancy pains at this time.  My hips are hurting, making it hard to sleep at night and get comfortable.  Riding in the car to Abq yesterday for 6 hours (plus) hurts today--on my bum!  There are times I can hardly walk because those feet are pushing on my lower abdomen or moving across my belly--ouch.  But I can honestly say with my whole heart--I love it.  I mean it.  I love feeling this every move of this little baby boy.  I am so lucky to have this.  I love this little being more than I can put to words.  These pregnancy pains are such a tiny tiny price to pay for what we will get out of it next week.  And I appreciate that this time--like I never have before.  Chase taught me so much these last 22 months and this is the biggest one.  To appreciate this pregnancy for what it is each and every day.

The baby sounds wonderful on the NST and looks great on the BPP ultrasound--we even got some 3D sneaks at him again.  And the doctor gave me the run down of what to expect in the operating room..... in a normal setting, that is!  She said once, "you'll still be draped from here down" and I said, "oh no, I wasn't draped last time at all---there wasn't any of that!  So tell me more..."  She fully understands what anxieties I feel for this surgery and is very calming in telling me all this.  I asked her several questions about how long it would take and where the baby would be and where Patric would be and how I would feel and all that.  She promised me that I would be fully numb and would not feel a thing.  I don't really believe this so I guess I'll find that out for myself. Honestly, when I think about all this, it scares the hell out of me.  I would much rather have a natural delivery the way I am used to...even though it's been a long time and a lot I don't remember! Getting the baby out is not the hard part!  I really want the baby as soon as it is born so this I am not looking forward to.  At. All.  I don't want to have to wait to get sewn up before I get him.  I know there are dangers, but a tiny part of me secretly hopes I go into labor before all this happens and have him on my own.  But I know Patric is not comfortable with this and so we will plan the surgery.  All in all, we all want the same thing:  a healthy baby born into our anxiously awaiting arms.   The kids are ready--we are packing our bags this weekend and washing up baby clothes and packing the baby bag.  Everyone is prepared.  We can't wait to meet him!

37 Weeks

Baby is growing!  He is now 7.5 pounds and around 18 inches long, though I think he is longer.  He is kicking a lot and still moving around quite a bit.  I am still very happy with him right where he is.  I know he will come when he is ready or on Feb 11th, which ever comes first!  I have a few sleepless nights, then will have a good night, it just depends.  He is putting pressure on my cervix and that is sometimes pretty painful.  The Braxton Hicks are very frequent and two nights ago I had some that were even waking me up.  But I feel pretty confident that this little guy is going to hang out until we are ready for the c-section.  It has been so fun carrying him that I am fine with this, too!  The kids and Patric are so very excited to hold him finally so soon I will have to share.  I talk to him all the time and rub my belly and I know he is getting used to this.  I tell him to tell his brother how much I love him and I know Chase is taking care of him right now pretty well.  I have felt Chase's presence more and more the last week and it is comforting...this feeling.  Though I miss him terribly and know that as soon as I hold this little one in my arms, I will miss Chase that much more once again--knowing exactly what we have missed out on with Chase.  But the upcoming event is to be a joyous one; one to celebrate and to behold.  And that we will.  

My friends and I had a cooking class the other night and they closed it out with a few baby gifts and cake in celebration of baby Pearson #5.  It was a very fun evening and I was so glad the girls went with me.   It was a very special group of friends and they way they celebrated was tasteful, understanding and not "too much".  I was afraid I was going to be emotional and sad as all these women had already bought us gifts when I was pregnant with Chase and I did not want them to buy more things.....I hadn't gotten rid of any of their stuff the gave me last time and am planning on using it for this baby.  But the evening was so vibrant and busy and fun that I didn't even have a chance to get sad and let my thoughts wander.  They all know that no matter how joyous the occasion, there is sadness in every thing we do now because Chase is not here to be a part of it.  They understand this yet wanted to celebrate for us and with us the utter happiness we are feeling for this new one.  And I am so glad we did.  I am thankful for these women in my life.  And I am deeply humbled by their generosity in gifts, love and companionship during such an emotional time in our lives.  I am so lucky to have this....when at times I never thought I would.  

Our last appointment is next week.  Then we have a busy weekend and plan on heading to Albuquerque a few days before the c-section.  Thank you, little one, for this journey.  I am so lucky to be your mommy and I can't wait to meet you....we will see you soon!

Growing...

I am sitting here at the computer getting kicked and nudged and poked all over (from the inside that is!) and just thought I would journal some of these pregnancy symptoms since we are nearing the end.  I was thinking I was maybe ahead of schedule but after I went back and read my journal and my blog during the last few weeks of Chase's pregnancy, I don't think I am any further along in this pregnancy than I am slated for.  At 35 weeks last time I was feeling very crowded inside, pressure down low and just big.  Very similar to now, I guess.  Man it is so strange feeling that head press down on my cervix (and uncomfortable....as I type this!).  I don't think I felt those things until the last few weeks with the girls....from what I remember anyway.  I see knees and elbows move across my belly this time and I have a very slight line going up my abdomen, though I'm not sure that the line from Chase ever completely faded. My complexion is very good, my hair is great, my nails are so-so, I am starting to swell towards the end of the day (hands and feet).  I am still doing yoga twice a week and biking 3-4 times a week when I am feeling good.   Have been getting up several times a night to pee for a while now.  But seems like I get up around 5 and am wide awake.  May be because I'm fighting with the kitten and may be because I'm getting ready for a newborn, who knows!  Either way, my body is getting used to interrupted and less sleep, as it should.  

We are starting to think about our plans in February with the baby.  But we have so much going on with our life in general that I think the baby is going to end up just coming whether we are ready or not.  And I'm even saying that with a scheduled c-section in mind!  Emma asked me tonight if we were going to a swim meet that weekend before the baby was due and I told her probably since I thought it was in Albuquerque.  She asked if we would all stay up there until the baby was  born then and I told her I was pretty sure they would go back home for a few more days of school until the c-section.  Maybe daddy would take them back and then come back to Albuquerque the day before.  She told me that if they had to go back to Ruidoso to go to school, that she wanted Daddy to stay with me in Albuquerque.  When I asked her why she said because she wanted him there making sure the doctors were doing everything they were supposed to be doing.  I know she's scared still.  Patric & I've talked about this a little bit and about making sure the kids are safe and comforted while I am in surgery and when they see me recovering afterwards....since the last memory they have of me in that condition was terrifying for them.  So this will be a very high priority for us--having the kids where we need them when we need it.  I don't know how we will do all this, but somehow we will. 

34 weeks 5 days

The first thing I have to say is I have been feeling you qutie low lately.  The uncomfortable feeling that stops me in my tracks!  Just reminding me the end of this pregnancy is near (sniff)....just usually not yet I thought!  I have been terribly congested this week...something I've had toward the end of the pregnancy before as well.  And I  also have slimy teeth after I brush them.  Another little  weird recurrence of pregnancy.

We had a perfect 10/10 again on our BPP.  Only this was after we had "acoustic stimulation."  What a fancy term for "we're going to scare the shit out of your baby so he'll wake up and give us some accelerations in his heart rate."   They tooted that buzzer on my lower belly and the baby about jumped right out my belly button.  Then he gave them all the accelerations they wanted in less than 5 minutes.  Sorry about that little buddy.   But it was about the clearest evidence to me that you actually do hear what is going on outside in our world and are stimulated by the sounds we make.  That was cool--just seemed a rotten way to find that out!  Anyway, she got what she needed from your movements after that.  My friend gave me the wonderful idea of recording your heartbeat on my cell phone.....so I did just that. Only a few times!

I absolutely love talking to my doctor about the pregnancy and anything related.  She is so awesome and a great listener.  I felt like I was talking about a thousand words a minute today because I had waited so long to see her and was really needed to get back on the road so I was trying to speed up the conversation and the appointment!  Surgery is scheduled for Feb 11th but I told her I'm feeling advanced things already...like the pressure on my cervix--yowsa!  But I feel like since this is the only pregnancy that I am (as of now anyway) perfectly fine going as long as they want me to.....it'll probably make me go into labor early.  Either way, I'll be ready.  I know we can do this.  And we will!