37 Weeks

Baby is growing!  He is now 7.5 pounds and around 18 inches long, though I think he is longer.  He is kicking a lot and still moving around quite a bit.  I am still very happy with him right where he is.  I know he will come when he is ready or on Feb 11th, which ever comes first!  I have a few sleepless nights, then will have a good night, it just depends.  He is putting pressure on my cervix and that is sometimes pretty painful.  The Braxton Hicks are very frequent and two nights ago I had some that were even waking me up.  But I feel pretty confident that this little guy is going to hang out until we are ready for the c-section.  It has been so fun carrying him that I am fine with this, too!  The kids and Patric are so very excited to hold him finally so soon I will have to share.  I talk to him all the time and rub my belly and I know he is getting used to this.  I tell him to tell his brother how much I love him and I know Chase is taking care of him right now pretty well.  I have felt Chase's presence more and more the last week and it is comforting...this feeling.  Though I miss him terribly and know that as soon as I hold this little one in my arms, I will miss Chase that much more once again--knowing exactly what we have missed out on with Chase.  But the upcoming event is to be a joyous one; one to celebrate and to behold.  And that we will.  

My friends and I had a cooking class the other night and they closed it out with a few baby gifts and cake in celebration of baby Pearson #5.  It was a very fun evening and I was so glad the girls went with me.   It was a very special group of friends and they way they celebrated was tasteful, understanding and not "too much".  I was afraid I was going to be emotional and sad as all these women had already bought us gifts when I was pregnant with Chase and I did not want them to buy more things.....I hadn't gotten rid of any of their stuff the gave me last time and am planning on using it for this baby.  But the evening was so vibrant and busy and fun that I didn't even have a chance to get sad and let my thoughts wander.  They all know that no matter how joyous the occasion, there is sadness in every thing we do now because Chase is not here to be a part of it.  They understand this yet wanted to celebrate for us and with us the utter happiness we are feeling for this new one.  And I am so glad we did.  I am thankful for these women in my life.  And I am deeply humbled by their generosity in gifts, love and companionship during such an emotional time in our lives.  I am so lucky to have this....when at times I never thought I would.  

Our last appointment is next week.  Then we have a busy weekend and plan on heading to Albuquerque a few days before the c-section.  Thank you, little one, for this journey.  I am so lucky to be your mommy and I can't wait to meet you....we will see you soon!

Growing...

I am sitting here at the computer getting kicked and nudged and poked all over (from the inside that is!) and just thought I would journal some of these pregnancy symptoms since we are nearing the end.  I was thinking I was maybe ahead of schedule but after I went back and read my journal and my blog during the last few weeks of Chase's pregnancy, I don't think I am any further along in this pregnancy than I am slated for.  At 35 weeks last time I was feeling very crowded inside, pressure down low and just big.  Very similar to now, I guess.  Man it is so strange feeling that head press down on my cervix (and uncomfortable....as I type this!).  I don't think I felt those things until the last few weeks with the girls....from what I remember anyway.  I see knees and elbows move across my belly this time and I have a very slight line going up my abdomen, though I'm not sure that the line from Chase ever completely faded. My complexion is very good, my hair is great, my nails are so-so, I am starting to swell towards the end of the day (hands and feet).  I am still doing yoga twice a week and biking 3-4 times a week when I am feeling good.   Have been getting up several times a night to pee for a while now.  But seems like I get up around 5 and am wide awake.  May be because I'm fighting with the kitten and may be because I'm getting ready for a newborn, who knows!  Either way, my body is getting used to interrupted and less sleep, as it should.  

We are starting to think about our plans in February with the baby.  But we have so much going on with our life in general that I think the baby is going to end up just coming whether we are ready or not.  And I'm even saying that with a scheduled c-section in mind!  Emma asked me tonight if we were going to a swim meet that weekend before the baby was due and I told her probably since I thought it was in Albuquerque.  She asked if we would all stay up there until the baby was  born then and I told her I was pretty sure they would go back home for a few more days of school until the c-section.  Maybe daddy would take them back and then come back to Albuquerque the day before.  She told me that if they had to go back to Ruidoso to go to school, that she wanted Daddy to stay with me in Albuquerque.  When I asked her why she said because she wanted him there making sure the doctors were doing everything they were supposed to be doing.  I know she's scared still.  Patric & I've talked about this a little bit and about making sure the kids are safe and comforted while I am in surgery and when they see me recovering afterwards....since the last memory they have of me in that condition was terrifying for them.  So this will be a very high priority for us--having the kids where we need them when we need it.  I don't know how we will do all this, but somehow we will. 

34 weeks 5 days

The first thing I have to say is I have been feeling you qutie low lately.  The uncomfortable feeling that stops me in my tracks!  Just reminding me the end of this pregnancy is near (sniff)....just usually not yet I thought!  I have been terribly congested this week...something I've had toward the end of the pregnancy before as well.  And I  also have slimy teeth after I brush them.  Another little  weird recurrence of pregnancy.

We had a perfect 10/10 again on our BPP.  Only this was after we had "acoustic stimulation."  What a fancy term for "we're going to scare the shit out of your baby so he'll wake up and give us some accelerations in his heart rate."   They tooted that buzzer on my lower belly and the baby about jumped right out my belly button.  Then he gave them all the accelerations they wanted in less than 5 minutes.  Sorry about that little buddy.   But it was about the clearest evidence to me that you actually do hear what is going on outside in our world and are stimulated by the sounds we make.  That was cool--just seemed a rotten way to find that out!  Anyway, she got what she needed from your movements after that.  My friend gave me the wonderful idea of recording your heartbeat on my cell phone.....so I did just that. Only a few times!

I absolutely love talking to my doctor about the pregnancy and anything related.  She is so awesome and a great listener.  I felt like I was talking about a thousand words a minute today because I had waited so long to see her and was really needed to get back on the road so I was trying to speed up the conversation and the appointment!  Surgery is scheduled for Feb 11th but I told her I'm feeling advanced things already...like the pressure on my cervix--yowsa!  But I feel like since this is the only pregnancy that I am (as of now anyway) perfectly fine going as long as they want me to.....it'll probably make me go into labor early.  Either way, I'll be ready.  I know we can do this.  And we will!

Appointment 33 weeks

We are starting our weekly doctor appointments with either the perinatologists or the OB starting today.  We met with the perinates and, as usual, it went very well.  I have been seen by all the doctors in the office and feel very comfortable with each of them.   They each have helped me answer questions that I had regarding Chase's delivery and today's discovery was most enlightening.  I was "assured" that what happened was "procedural related" and that because of this another placental abruption had even lesser odds of reoccurring.    Of course this is nice to hear, but it does not change the fact that my baby died and that I know anything can happen and until this baby is home in my arms, I will not take it for granted.  I thoroughly enjoy each day of the pregnancy.  I feel giddy when I think about meeting this little one but first and foremost, I love every day I get to carry him.  I talk to him and rub my belly when I feel him move.  And I think of Chase being in there and how he did all these same things, too.  And how I wished I would have cherished each day I had with him.  I don't really think about anything past bringing this one home.  In that I mean I don't cherish it for the fact that it may very well be my last pregnancy.  If it is, it is.  I just am thankful for each day I get, because I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  It's not a sad thing to think that way, it is just a way to really enjoy the now in life.  To just "be", as my yoga teacher says.

Here is a picture of the little one at 33 weeks, 4 days.  He measures nearly 35 weeks, weighing in at 5.5 lbs. and 17.4 inches so far.  We can't wait to meet you little buddy.  I wonder who you will resemble most....  Until we meet, I hope you enjoy this wonderful place you are sharing with your big brother Chase and will be ready to tell me all about it in a few weeks!

Update

I have not posted in a while....so busy.  Can't wait for the holidays and family coming to visit!  Anyway, I've had a couple appointments and ended up going to our hospital for a NST & BPP last week.  I wrote about it here.  Yesteday I saw my OB and I love the fact that she asks me questions and engages in conversation with me about my fears and concerns, no matter how insignificant they may seem.  She even told me today that she expected me to be hypersensitive to each and every feeling or concern I had....and that it was her job to sift through them and determine what was  normal or not.  All in all, though, she said this pregnancy is going perfectly and we do not expect anything unforseen.  Of course, we know none of that matters.  But looking forward, this pregnancy has been very smooth and I have enjoyed every bit of it past the 1st trimester.  I mean I have really enjoyed it.   I love this baby so much.  I talk to him all the time as he is kicking or moving around.  His butt is always up just under my right ribs so I love patting right there and rubbing that spot, feeling him move as I do so.  It is so amazing to watch and feel this....a true miracle.  And I talk to Chase, too, because I know he is near, watching me.  Just like Reese watches me in a crowd of people.  I love the look a little boy gives his mama.  I imagine Chase is looking at me all the time.  I just wish I could see him, too......

We are looking at February 10th.....or somewhere around there.  I should be hearing from the hospital soon on a set date.  When we get through the holidays, I will only have about 5 weeks left.  I'm sure the last few weeks will be much different this time around.  I remember feeling like I was going to miss being pregnant with Chase, which was the first time I ever felt that way at the end of a pregnancy!  But this time, this time that feeling is ten million times greater.  I love this baby inside me right now.  I am excited to meet him, but I am certainly loving being pregnant.  And I never thought I would say that!

My blood pressure was a tiny bit higher than my usual, but no concerns.  (I felt that way, too.)  The doctor was very pleased my weight gain....even after 2 days in a row of not exercising!  She has me down for gaining 16 pounds at this point.  But that doesn't include the 12 (at least) or so pounds I had already gained before I even started seeing her (shhhhh).  Anyway, as long as I'm still exercising and doing yoga, I think I'm doing okay.  As is baby.  I go back every week at this point and will try to update more often.  I get pictures next week again (yay!) so will post them if I get some good 3Ds.  Will also get some pregnancy pictures up.  hopefully!

Another appointment

Went to Abq today again for the OB appointment and BPP.  Things went well.  It is very comforting to sit and actually talk to my doctor about my concerns, what I'm struggling with in this pregnancy, what my fears are and how I am really feeling.....and she is really listening.   I told her how the standard of care in this hospital has given me a level of confidence that I never would have had staying where I was.  I still have my moments and my cautious optimism, but I am really taking each day as it comes and am thankful for this baby every moment I get with him.....which is all the time.  I hold my belly all the time, driving, sleeping or just whenever my hands are free to do so.  I am so blessed to be carrying this little bumpkin.  The kids asked me as soon as I got home if I had more pictures (all of them asked!) and I didn't.  But they thought it was cool I got to hear the heart beating.  

The last two nights I have gotten up every 2 hours to pee and am starting to get a little less comfortable.  Guess that means I'm on the home stretch.  I am still exercising when I can and doing as much yoga as I can.  Hardly a single strand of hair falls out and my finger nails are strong as ever--yay!  Everything seems to be going well.  The blood test came back and no worries.  We talked about February 10th for the delivery...but that is still tentative.  

So excited to meet you little one.  I love you more than you know!  Thanks for holding my hand Chase--I've needed you more than ever.....

mommy

Week 29...already

I went to Abq myself for this appointment.  A long trip but I did it in record time and got some shopping done on the backside.  I'm looking forward to when Patric and I can go alone again, though.  Those are the best ones.  

I always get a BPP (biophysical profile) done at the perinatologists and I always get "all the points".  The baby looks great.  He really does and I love every minute of these ultrasounds....though some take longer than others to get all the right shots.  But I can't help but thinking how perfect Chase's three ultrasounds that I had done were, too.  He was perfect--all the points.  Nothing wrong.  Everything looked great.  Yet he never got to come home with us.  Those traumatic moments around his birth invade my thoughts.  All that can happen during delivery that I just assumed would go fine.  They always did before.  I ignored my intuitions and concerns with my care trusting that the baby would come out fine and we'd be on our merry way.  But now I know that you can't take those things for granted.  If you don't trust your doctor, you have to do something about it.  Now.  The care I am receiving during this pregnancy is wonderful and I have none of those doubts anymore.   It is a wonderful feeling.  It is a confidence that I now know is crucial.  It doesn't make the guilt go away from Chase's delivery at all.  I miss him dearly.  I want him here with me, on my lap, squishing the baby in my tummy, running me ragged as a toddler does.  But instead, he is in my heart.  He is in my soul and he is floating around above me, going everywhere I go, never leaving my side. I sleep with his blanket tonight as I have every night since the day before he left us.  And I feel protected... emotionally.....not physically because until the baby is in my arms, I know better.  But emotionally and spiritually Chase is taking care of me through this pregnancy and holding my  hand, making me appreciate ever moment ever so more.  Thank you, sweet baby boy, for your presence.  And the gifts you send us, we don't miss a one.  The shooting star you sent me on the way home Wednesday nite was one of the most brilliant, beautiful sights of nature I've ever laid my eyes on.  And I knew it was you.  Your little brother knew it, too.  We miss you and talk about you every day.  I can't wait to meet him and show him your picture and hold him in your blanket and feel you with us.  Soon.....