Thursday, February 17, 2011

You're Here!

We are so excited to welcome sweet Owen Chase!  What a blessing he has been to our family.  He could not be more loved, more cared for, more anticipated, more anything!  And I know Chase was right there with us when Owen entered this world.  It was a an amazing event.  One full of emotion as both Patric & I awaited the sounds of his cries....and then held our breath a little longer.  Soon we were assured all was okay and we were off to recovery.  Holding our newest bundle of joy.  I will write more later, but for now, a few pictures.

Monday, February 7, 2011

So Close

We are preparing...we have been washing clothes, cleaning house, packing bags and anticipating the arrival of this little one.  This part is hard--washing clothes that Chase would have worn and blankets that he would have used.  It's very emotional "letting go", in a sense.  The sadness of what we missed out on with him....of what we will always be missing out on with our sweet little boy.  But we find happiness in welcoming our newest little brother, too.  Sadness, enveloped by happiness....rather than happiness clouded over by sadness, I hope.  
I had my last yoga class today that I will be going to in this pregnancy.  It was tough--a lot of hip stretching today that about put my femurs completely out of the socket it felt like!  Whew--I'm glad that class is over!  It has really helped me spiritually and mentally and even physically, I know.  I hope baby boy has enjoyed it as much as I have. 
I am going to miss carrying this little guy in my tummy.  A lot of his movements hurt these days.  But I absolutely love them.  I can't explain how much--I've never felt this way in a pregnancy.  I was very, very excited to meet Chase those last few weeks.  But I was uncomfortable enough to wish the pregnancy over as quickly as possible.  Not so with this one.  I have 3 more days with him like this and I'm going to hold on to each of them as peacefully as I can.  I can't wait to meet him, for sure, but I have been extremely blessed with this pregnancy.  Thank you, God.  Thank you Chase, for helping me through this....and holding me as I ride this journey out.  I am very unsure of what the delivery is going to be like still.  I am scared.  I am nervous.  I just want to hold this little man as soon as I can.  I want to welcome him into our family and I know this is going to be a grand event.  I can't wait to see the kids with their new little brother.  I am hoping Chase will let his presence known, too....that I will feel close to him.  Maybe in my dreams....maybe elsewhere.  But I have been looking forward to this day for this very reason for a very long time.  I know he will be there with us.  
Not sure if I'll have any more time to post before we leave.  Until then.....

Friday, February 4, 2011

On Schedule.....

After having some contractions this week that were a little daunting (being 3 hours away from the hospital), the dr. told me my cervix was pretty much closed yesterday.  This is good as we are planned to deliver by c-section next Friday and more than a few family members have spent some hard earned money to attend this event!  I am feeling plenty of pregnancy pains at this time.  My hips are hurting, making it hard to sleep at night and get comfortable.  Riding in the car to Abq yesterday for 6 hours (plus) hurts today--on my bum!  There are times I can hardly walk because those feet are pushing on my lower abdomen or moving across my belly--ouch.  But I can honestly say with my whole heart--I love it.  I mean it.  I love feeling this every move of this little baby boy.  I am so lucky to have this.  I love this little being more than I can put to words.  These pregnancy pains are such a tiny tiny price to pay for what we will get out of it next week.  And I appreciate that this time--like I never have before.  Chase taught me so much these last 22 months and this is the biggest one.  To appreciate this pregnancy for what it is each and every day.

The baby sounds wonderful on the NST and looks great on the BPP ultrasound--we even got some 3D sneaks at him again.  And the doctor gave me the run down of what to expect in the operating room..... in a normal setting, that is!  She said once, "you'll still be draped from here down" and I said, "oh no, I wasn't draped last time at all---there wasn't any of that!  So tell me more..."  She fully understands what anxieties I feel for this surgery and is very calming in telling me all this.  I asked her several questions about how long it would take and where the baby would be and where Patric would be and how I would feel and all that.  She promised me that I would be fully numb and would not feel a thing.  I don't really believe this so I guess I'll find that out for myself. Honestly, when I think about all this, it scares the hell out of me.  I would much rather have a natural delivery the way I am used to...even though it's been a long time and a lot I don't remember! Getting the baby out is not the hard part!  I really want the baby as soon as it is born so this I am not looking forward to.  At. All.  I don't want to have to wait to get sewn up before I get him.  I know there are dangers, but a tiny part of me secretly hopes I go into labor before all this happens and have him on my own.  But I know Patric is not comfortable with this and so we will plan the surgery.  All in all, we all want the same thing:  a healthy baby born into our anxiously awaiting arms.   The kids are ready--we are packing our bags this weekend and washing up baby clothes and packing the baby bag.  Everyone is prepared.  We can't wait to meet him!