Thursday, December 30, 2010

Appointment 33 weeks

We are starting our weekly doctor appointments with either the perinatologists or the OB starting today.  We met with the perinates and, as usual, it went very well.  I have been seen by all the doctors in the office and feel very comfortable with each of them.   They each have helped me answer questions that I had regarding Chase's delivery and today's discovery was most enlightening.  I was "assured" that what happened was "procedural related" and that because of this another placental abruption had even lesser odds of reoccurring.    Of course this is nice to hear, but it does not change the fact that my baby died and that I know anything can happen and until this baby is home in my arms, I will not take it for granted.  I thoroughly enjoy each day of the pregnancy.  I feel giddy when I think about meeting this little one but first and foremost, I love every day I get to carry him.  I talk to him and rub my belly when I feel him move.  And I think of Chase being in there and how he did all these same things, too.  And how I wished I would have cherished each day I had with him.  I don't really think about anything past bringing this one home.  In that I mean I don't cherish it for the fact that it may very well be my last pregnancy.  If it is, it is.  I just am thankful for each day I get, because I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  It's not a sad thing to think that way, it is just a way to really enjoy the now in life.  To just "be", as my yoga teacher says.

Here is a picture of the little one at 33 weeks, 4 days.  He measures nearly 35 weeks, weighing in at 5.5 lbs. and 17.4 inches so far.  We can't wait to meet you little buddy.  I wonder who you will resemble most....  Until we meet, I hope you enjoy this wonderful place you are sharing with your big brother Chase and will be ready to tell me all about it in a few weeks!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


I have not posted in a busy.  Can't wait for the holidays and family coming to visit!  Anyway, I've had a couple appointments and ended up going to our hospital for a NST & BPP last week.  I wrote about it here.  Yesteday I saw my OB and I love the fact that she asks me questions and engages in conversation with me about my fears and concerns, no matter how insignificant they may seem.  She even told me today that she expected me to be hypersensitive to each and every feeling or concern I had....and that it was her job to sift through them and determine what was  normal or not.  All in all, though, she said this pregnancy is going perfectly and we do not expect anything unforseen.  Of course, we know none of that matters.  But looking forward, this pregnancy has been very smooth and I have enjoyed every bit of it past the 1st trimester.  I mean I have really enjoyed it.   I love this baby so much.  I talk to him all the time as he is kicking or moving around.  His butt is always up just under my right ribs so I love patting right there and rubbing that spot, feeling him move as I do so.  It is so amazing to watch and feel this....a true miracle.  And I talk to Chase, too, because I know he is near, watching me.  Just like Reese watches me in a crowd of people.  I love the look a little boy gives his mama.  I imagine Chase is looking at me all the time.  I just wish I could see him, too......

We are looking at February 10th.....or somewhere around there.  I should be hearing from the hospital soon on a set date.  When we get through the holidays, I will only have about 5 weeks left.  I'm sure the last few weeks will be much different this time around.  I remember feeling like I was going to miss being pregnant with Chase, which was the first time I ever felt that way at the end of a pregnancy!  But this time, this time that feeling is ten million times greater.  I love this baby inside me right now.  I am excited to meet him, but I am certainly loving being pregnant.  And I never thought I would say that!

My blood pressure was a tiny bit higher than my usual, but no concerns.  (I felt that way, too.)  The doctor was very pleased my weight gain....even after 2 days in a row of not exercising!  She has me down for gaining 16 pounds at this point.  But that doesn't include the 12 (at least) or so pounds I had already gained before I even started seeing her (shhhhh).  Anyway, as long as I'm still exercising and doing yoga, I think I'm doing okay.  As is baby.  I go back every week at this point and will try to update more often.  I get pictures next week again (yay!) so will post them if I get some good 3Ds.  Will also get some pregnancy pictures up.  hopefully!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Another appointment

Went to Abq today again for the OB appointment and BPP.  Things went well.  It is very comforting to sit and actually talk to my doctor about my concerns, what I'm struggling with in this pregnancy, what my fears are and how I am really feeling.....and she is really listening.   I told her how the standard of care in this hospital has given me a level of confidence that I never would have had staying where I was.  I still have my moments and my cautious optimism, but I am really taking each day as it comes and am thankful for this baby every moment I get with him.....which is all the time.  I hold my belly all the time, driving, sleeping or just whenever my hands are free to do so.  I am so blessed to be carrying this little bumpkin.  The kids asked me as soon as I got home if I had more pictures (all of them asked!) and I didn't.  But they thought it was cool I got to hear the heart beating.  

The last two nights I have gotten up every 2 hours to pee and am starting to get a little less comfortable.  Guess that means I'm on the home stretch.  I am still exercising when I can and doing as much yoga as I can.  Hardly a single strand of hair falls out and my finger nails are strong as ever--yay!  Everything seems to be going well.  The blood test came back and no worries.  We talked about February 10th for the delivery...but that is still tentative.  

So excited to meet you little one.  I love you more than you know!  Thanks for holding my hand Chase--I've needed you more than ever.....


Friday, December 3, 2010

Week 29...already

I went to Abq myself for this appointment.  A long trip but I did it in record time and got some shopping done on the backside.  I'm looking forward to when Patric and I can go alone again, though.  Those are the best ones.  

I always get a BPP (biophysical profile) done at the perinatologists and I always get "all the points".  The baby looks great.  He really does and I love every minute of these ultrasounds....though some take longer than others to get all the right shots.  But I can't help but thinking how perfect Chase's three ultrasounds that I had done were, too.  He was perfect--all the points.  Nothing wrong.  Everything looked great.  Yet he never got to come home with us.  Those traumatic moments around his birth invade my thoughts.  All that can happen during delivery that I just assumed would go fine.  They always did before.  I ignored my intuitions and concerns with my care trusting that the baby would come out fine and we'd be on our merry way.  But now I know that you can't take those things for granted.  If you don't trust your doctor, you have to do something about it.  Now.  The care I am receiving during this pregnancy is wonderful and I have none of those doubts anymore.   It is a wonderful feeling.  It is a confidence that I now know is crucial.  It doesn't make the guilt go away from Chase's delivery at all.  I miss him dearly.  I want him here with me, on my lap, squishing the baby in my tummy, running me ragged as a toddler does.  But instead, he is in my heart.  He is in my soul and he is floating around above me, going everywhere I go, never leaving my side. I sleep with his blanket tonight as I have every night since the day before he left us.  And I feel protected... emotionally.....not physically because until the baby is in my arms, I know better.  But emotionally and spiritually Chase is taking care of me through this pregnancy and holding my  hand, making me appreciate ever moment ever so more.  Thank you, sweet baby boy, for your presence.  And the gifts you send us, we don't miss a one.  The shooting star you sent me on the way home Wednesday nite was one of the most brilliant, beautiful sights of nature I've ever laid my eyes on.  And I knew it was you.  Your little brother knew it, too.  We miss you and talk about you every day.  I can't wait to meet him and show him your picture and hold him in your blanket and feel you with us.  Soon.....