Monday, February 7, 2011

So Close

We are preparing...we have been washing clothes, cleaning house, packing bags and anticipating the arrival of this little one.  This part is hard--washing clothes that Chase would have worn and blankets that he would have used.  It's very emotional "letting go", in a sense.  The sadness of what we missed out on with him....of what we will always be missing out on with our sweet little boy.  But we find happiness in welcoming our newest little brother, too.  Sadness, enveloped by happiness....rather than happiness clouded over by sadness, I hope.  
I had my last yoga class today that I will be going to in this pregnancy.  It was tough--a lot of hip stretching today that about put my femurs completely out of the socket it felt like!  Whew--I'm glad that class is over!  It has really helped me spiritually and mentally and even physically, I know.  I hope baby boy has enjoyed it as much as I have. 
I am going to miss carrying this little guy in my tummy.  A lot of his movements hurt these days.  But I absolutely love them.  I can't explain how much--I've never felt this way in a pregnancy.  I was very, very excited to meet Chase those last few weeks.  But I was uncomfortable enough to wish the pregnancy over as quickly as possible.  Not so with this one.  I have 3 more days with him like this and I'm going to hold on to each of them as peacefully as I can.  I can't wait to meet him, for sure, but I have been extremely blessed with this pregnancy.  Thank you, God.  Thank you Chase, for helping me through this....and holding me as I ride this journey out.  I am very unsure of what the delivery is going to be like still.  I am scared.  I am nervous.  I just want to hold this little man as soon as I can.  I want to welcome him into our family and I know this is going to be a grand event.  I can't wait to see the kids with their new little brother.  I am hoping Chase will let his presence known, too....that I will feel close to him.  Maybe in my dreams....maybe elsewhere.  But I have been looking forward to this day for this very reason for a very long time.  I know he will be there with us.  
Not sure if I'll have any more time to post before we leave.  Until then.....

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