Friday, September 3, 2010


Here is our newest little boy!
I am feeling so much excitement today!  I have been "excited" for this pregnancy, but today I feel so completely different.  We had our doctor appointment yesterday and got such an overwhelming feeling of relief, I can hardly explain it.  I don't know why, really, because our first appointment was very positive, too.  Everything has checked out okay since the beginning.  But yesterday we saw 3d pictures and 2d pictures and watched our baby for what seemed like hours.  Every organ and every test appears very healthy and normal at this point and the doctors are very confident that this baby is perfectly healthy.  Now as I type those words, I realize that Chase was so very healthy, too, and that makes me feel not so good.....but I have been worried that we would run into something this time around and yesterday it seems that those worries have been lifted.  I am very excited to meet this little guy.

Yes, we found out yesterday he is a boy so we have told the kids and our families and the word is out.  My MIL gave me the huge stash of stuff she had bought for Chase to come home to and it was so bittersweet for her to give it to me and for me to receive it from her.  We both were very emotional for our little Chase.   It hurts that he never used these things.  But now I will tell this new little one how special he is and how special these clothes are that he will be wearing because they were his big brother's.  I have so many emotions balled up inside me right now and for the most part, I want to jump for joy and skip around everywhere with a big smile on my face.  But there is no where that this happiness goes that there is not a longing for my sweet little Chase, too.  I have a rainbow, yes I do.  But it doesn't negate the storm that came before it.  I know Chase is here with us.  He's watching us and taking care of his little brother.  There is so much in this pregnancy that feels like deja vu and to me, that's not a bad thing.  We are under very very good care with wonderful doctors and me and the baby are both very healthy right now.  For that I am so very grateful. And one day, we will bring this baby home in not just in our hearts, but also in our arms.

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