Monday, June 28, 2010

More symptoms

I have been feeling nauseous the last 4 or 5 days.  My boobs are starting to hurt.  I do have some zits.  My skin is real oily.   I've been a little gassy, nothing too bad.

I think about this little bean all the time.  I am so excited and I know this time is going to go extremely fast. But I am so very scared, too.  I am scared the pregnancy won't last.  Once we hear the heartbeat, I am scared it will stop beating and we won't get to the 2nd trimester.  I called the dr. office today and left a message.  I am hoping to get in for an appointment some time before we go camping.

I mentioned the zits because zits always mean it's a boy for me.  I was worried because at first I didn't have any.  I know Patric wants a boy.  Then I got the zits and think it could possibly be a boy.  Who knows!  But then....I want a boy so bad...for Patric and for Reese.  Karly wants a little brother, too.  I would love to have a little boy.  But what I really want is Chase.  I want Chase and then I want this baby to be a girl.  I want a little girl so bad.  But I want a boy because I really really wanted a boy last time.  I don't know what to think.  I think I won't think about it because I just want this baby to be healthy and that's what I will be praying for the entire pregnancy.  I just want a little boy and I want a little girl.  Both.  But I want the little boy to be Chase.  My little Chase.  Chase who should be a year and 2 months right now. I miss him so bad.  I ask him to help me through this pregnancy like he did when he was in my tummy.  I know he will.  I can feel his love wrapped around me.  I miss him so much.

You have big shoes to fill little one!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Some notes

For the record, I think it was about day 12 or day 13. This, I'm pretty sure, is the only time we "tried" this month since the kids & I were going to be in Nebr with Lyn. Anyway, I also wanted to document any symptoms, because with Chase I did not write anything down until at least half way through the pregnancy. I did not want to "jinx" anything having gone through the 2 miscarraiges. This time, I feel like I want to remember these things. I got very sick the night we got to Colorado to see Meg--both EJ and I did. I remember beginning to feel awful and thinking if this was morning sickness, I was sure I did not want to ever get pregnant again. Yuck. But since Emma had it, too (she threw up a few times), I figured it was flu or something we ate on the drive up north.
I remember waking up the last few nights we were in Chadron (about 10 days later) having to pee in the middle of the night, 2 or 3 times and a lot each time. I did not think anything about being pregnant (I don't think) or thought that there was no way I could be. I also had to cut my nails. And I think the only time I've had to cut my nails (due to them being too long) was when I was pregnant or something to do with baby. Looking back now, maybe that is one of my preggo symptoms. We have been exercising moderate to hard, me & Lyn, almost every day and eating pretty healthy. I have tried to continue this since getting home. Oh, and I broke out about normal (for a period) since I was wearing a lot of face sunscreen. No signs there.
That's all I can think of so far and for now. I am up with Reese because his feet hurt and I don't have Tylenol and Patric is working. He fell asleep finally and I'm going to bed....Missing you Chase.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


....little one!

I'm very excited and am dying not to tell EVERYONE!  But for now, we will just make sure you are doing what you need to do and will celebrate in about 6 or 7 weeks!  

I had kind of forgotten, well, written-off, the possibility of being pregnant this month and since we were gone for 17+ days, I didn't really know when my period was due.  I didn't bring along my day planner, of course!  When I got home...and got around to checking my calendar because I was dreading AF, I was happily surprised that I was 5-7 days late!  I couldn't sleep last night and when I got up this morning, I peed on the stick and it immediately showed up!  I told Patric as gracefully and quickly as I could.....about an hour or two later....and he was just as excited!  We will wait to share our news though and I have to hear a heartbeat before I tell the kids.  But I am counting the hours til that moment.  Can't wait!  Thanks Chase....I know you are watching over us.  Waiting with us....

Thursday, June 10, 2010

What Chase said to us...

I found this "verse" (I'd rather just call it a quote) as part of a forwarded email and it has stuck with me.  to give credit where credit is due, it is John 14:27-29.

'I am leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. Remember what I told you: I am going away, but I will come back to you again. If you really love me, you will be very happy for me, for now I can go to the Father, who is greater than I am. I have told you these things before they happen so that when they do, you will believe in me.'

I like it.