Wednesday, August 4, 2010


Tomorrow we go to Albuquerque, my appointment is at 12:45.  I am nervous and excited.  I can't wait for this appointment and the pictures, but I have almost heard too many bad things not to be scared.  And I am. Scared.  I envision the moment of the u/s and measuring everything and hearing, "everythign looks good!" But I can almost imagine a different outcome, too, and for that, I feel guilty, scared and anxious.  I am praying and will be praying hard tonight for all good news.  I can't wait to see you little one.  I am sure I have felt you...just a few moments ago even.  i know you are there.  I know you are okay.  I know you are perfect.  I know you are a blessing sent from Chase & heaven above.  But I am still scared.  Protecting my children is the hardest thing to do in my life and I feel I have failed once and am scared it might happen again.  I promise you if/when you make it to my longing arms, I will never let anything happen to you.  I will do everything I can to take the best care of you now and until then, too.  Please, please, please.....I love you.

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