Sometimes I am so tired this time. I really want and need to work out, but if I am just too tired, I don't. There are times that I really feel the independence of our kids, too, and I think that when we have another little one around, I'm going to have to do the things that I ask them to do. Just the other day at a restaurant for lunch, Reese had sticky hands and I had Emma go with him to the restroom to clean them up, because I was too tired/lazy to go help him. But at the forefront of my mind was that I won't be able to do that. Will I be able/willing/desiring/happy to do that, I ask myself? I tell myself yes, but it will definitely be a change, starting all over with the baby stage. If it was Chase, we'd already be through some of that....and I wouldn't be as tired as I am because I wouldn't be pregnant. I know it's only 16 months later, but sometimes it seems like 10 years later. Physically, this pregnancy, like Chase's, is hard on me. Only this one seems it might be harder, I don't know. There is a post I wrote back in Jan or Feb (okay, so it was March!) when I was pregnant with Chase that is all about getting through it and I read it often. I need that attitude this time around, too.....only maybe sooner.
To update my journal....last week I started feeling better--not as much morning sickness anyway. I feel better when I work out. I am eating a little better...yet I have my moments. I feel awful when I eat too much and I never know I ate too much until it's too late. Lovely. I am so big--yuck. But that's ok. As long as I'm exercising, I'll take whatever this pregnancy throws at me. It's all coming off (and about 15 lbs more) in the end anyway. In my "original" life, I would be running and training like a mad woman for the fun of it, and maybe a few races. My fitness would have been at a new level. But. That's not my life anymore. I am working on this new one. And Chase is helping me. I miss him and think of him as much as my mind lets me. He is always in my heart and always close in our thoughts and conversation. We are just trying to get you a little brother or sister to watch over. All the more for you to do up there in heaven, little man!
p.s. Our tests came back all with normal numbers. :)